Acceptance

Today I’m taking part in the Hop against Homophobia. As we try and bring about more understanding in the world please share links with your friends and family to this blog and others on the hop. Help get the word out. Help us open more minds. Follow the link in the image below to the complete list of blogs participating in the hop.

Acceptance can be one of the hardest things to find, either in ourselves and or other people. I suppose I’m one of the lucky ones as most people I’ve known have accepted me warts, glitter and all. This is not to say that I haven’t faced my share of homophobia, but it’s not something that I face on a daily basis. As a very masculine man with a nice butch husband, most people don’t realize that I’m gay, unless I say something, or until I tell them. I like it that way.

Years ago, when I was just coming to terms with being gay, I had a very good friend who helped me through my self-acceptance and helped shape me into the well rounded person I am today. For several years, she was like a second mother to me. She explained something that she called the green monkey syndrome, which today I can think of other more appropriate terms for it, but we’ll stick with her terms. The green monkey syndrome is this. Monkeys will kill any of their own kind that they deem as different than themselves, but the catch is, monkeys are color blind. So, until a monkey comes out and says they’re a green monkey, all the monkeys will think everyone is brown. Unfortunately once the green monkey makes their presence known, the other monkeys jump on him and kill him.

Unlike racial differences, for the most part being gay is an invisible minority that is only noticed when we draw attention to ourselves. I use this to my advantage. Folks can’t spot me as gay either by my appearance or my actions. I mean things such as, I don’t like to do auto repair , but can get my hands greasy when I have to. But I make it work. Most folks get to know me before they find out that I’m gay. And by getting to know me they love me. I make a point to be the best person I can be. I avoid being stereotyped in any way. Although some of my friends like teasing me about “every so often the gay just shines through” This is fine.

As a writer, I like to carry this mentality over to the characters I write. I’ve had some “formula” writers tell me there’s not enough drama in my gay couples, that real people have more personal conflict than I portray. My reply there is that I’m trying to give a good example of what gay couples can be. I want to show stable, loving couples. I’ve received several reviews thanking me for showing men who are obviously gay, but not going overboard in the drama or sexuality, giving them a read closer to their own lives. That’s the point of my writing, and my life, quiet acceptance, one friend, or reader at a time. Slow quiet acceptance in the end gets better results than massive change forced on people. Spend more time showing people how you are the same as they are as opposed to how you are different. Build relationships on understanding and likeness, then your differences simply add spice to life and you’ll be surprised how people react. Over time, I’ve only lost a couple of so called friends when they found out I was gay. Because in the end they know me for who I am, and what I am doesn’t matter. Some people are surprised that my lover’s father, a hardcore cowboy/mountain man accepts us, but he knows who I am, and loves me like his own son. We’ve often discussed how if I were a stereotype flaming gay, that wouldn’t be the case. Blending in can be very important to finding acceptance. Don’t stand around screaming about how you’re different, join in and show how you are the same, and you’ll be surprised how quickly people’s minds change. Fight for acceptance one person at a time. If we all do this, pretty soon homophobia will a thing of the past. I hope everyone enjoys the blog hop and does their part to help bring about acceptance.

Leave a comment for a chance to win a set of the E.S. Peters Investigation E books. “Perfect Love” is out and “Perfect Trouble” will be out in June.

 

12 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. I showed a bunch of these post to the teens in my family to show them how hurt some “innocent” remarks are to many others. I get so annoyed when my nephew says “you’re so gay”. ERRRR drove me crazy. I know he didn’t mean anything by it but it is so wrong to use that as a saying. I think that these post have helped. Thank you all for sharing with us!
    forettarose@yahoo.com

  2. Thanks for participating in this great blog hop. I’m enjoying all the posts :)

    penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com

  3. Thanks for participating for this wonderful cause of awareness…I teach high schoolers and this is a topic that we discuss at length. I just want them to be aware and know that they have the power to change the world!
    Yvette
    yratpatrol@aol.com

  4. Thank you for sharing your personal story for the blog hop. I hope that on a day to day basis you don’t have to do too much to blend in and that one day it won’t be necessary to consciously try to obtain the acceptance of others, that instead you and everyone else will simply have it.

  5. I still have over 150 blogs to read before tonight, and I’ll never make it at this rate – especially since my ex decided to drop the kids off super early – so I’m leaving a quick thank you for taking part and please enter me into your contest (call me greedy, but I am a lover of books!). Then I’m reading the blogs at my lazure – without the time limit. I love reading these blogs. Each and every entry is amazing.

    Erica
    eripike at gmail dot com

  6. Thank you for the post!

    I had a friend who came out to everyone, his family, his friends and he was blessed to not lose anyone. Actually most everyone already knew he was gay and had excepted him a long time ago. It was actually himself who took so long to accept who he was. All of his family and friends support and love him and this is how it should be!

    This is how it should be coming out, people should love you no matter who you you fall in love with.

    Tabatha Hansen
    mmparanormalromance@gmail.com
    http://www.mmparanormalromance.wordpress.com

  7. I definitely think that I am going to have to add your books to my TBR pile

  8. Okay! Now that I’ve had time to read this, I’m very impressed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Now I feel like I must get my hands on one of your books.

    “Don’t stand around screaming about how you’re different, join in and show how you are the same…”

    That’s a quote worth quoting right there :)

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